Nation of Loners

How many of you belong to some sort of social club? It could be anything: a book club, an intramural sports league, a sewing circle, whatever. A lot you may be raising your hands, but probably most of you are not. Do you volunteer or make charitable donations on a regular basis? Do you talk to your neighbors? Before you start getting defensive, let me first say that I, shamefully and without excuse, belong to no social clubs, rarely donate either my time or my money, and don’t know the names of my neighbors.

“Shamed for not belonging any social groups?” you might ask. Yes, actually. According to the book Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam, social capital is on a steady decline in this country. Social capital is what is being built when people come together, share ideas, trust each other, and basically branch out instead of going it alone. “Almost two-thirds of Americans attended at least one club meeting in 1975-76,” writes Putnam, “but only 38 percent did in 1997-98.” Think about our behind-closed-shutters culture that we live in today, and then imagine how it has changed since your parents’ time, or your grandparents’ time.

Our social isolationism strikes me as creepy. The amount of times the average American invites friends over to his/her house dropped 60% from 1975 to 1998. What are we doing instead? Are we working longer hours, spending more time with family, or just parking ourselves in front of the television all evening? How have we replaced our connections with people?

Are we becoming a nation of loners, tuned in and shut down?

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You’re currently reading “Nation of Loners,” an entry on Buy Independent

Published:: 05.07.07 / 5pm

Category:: Our Blog, In The Community, Asking Questions

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Why do we care about independent businesses? We care for the same reason that you probably feel a twinge of nostalgia when you see a small bookstore go out of business because of the retail giant up the street, even though you may have never once been inside that store. There is a disconnection we see in ourselves, and others; we feel powerless to change and thus free from responsibility for the world around us. But neither is true; the power and the responsibility both rest on the individual, and change starts with awareness.

It all comes down to what kind of town you want to live in.

A hamburger from McDonalds tastes the same in St. Paul, MN as it does in Sarasota, Florida or Portland, Maine; A Target store in Tulsa, Oklahoma will look pretty much the same and sell the same products as Target in Tempe, Arizona. Why is that? And is it really a bad thing? Consistency is a bedrock principal for any national restaurant or retail chain, second only to efficiency, and this model has been an almost unbelievably successful way to grow a business.

But have you noticed, as you’re leaving that McDonalds or Target or whatever chain store, that whole towns have started to look the same? You can drive from one side of this country to the other and everyday eat the same meals, drink the same cup of coffee, and sleep in the same hotel room.

Is that really a good thing?

Many small communities are excited when a big retail chain comes to town, seeing it as a sign that their town is moving up in the world. More selection, lower prices, what’s the downside? But one day you look up, and realize that a strip of fast food chains and a Wal-Mart is all that’s left. The overwhelming choices and the low prices are still there, but you’re town is essentially gone, an ugly shell of itself, a community of strangers. If that is the kind of place you want to live in, you’re in luck; you don’t have to do a thing, because the developers will do all the work for you. Just sit back and enjoy the savings.

However, if you are among the group of people that sees a problem with that scenario, you probably feel powerless to do anything but watch the wheels of economic progress roll over your town. And you probably feel like this problem has nothing to do with you, and you maybe curse the chain stores that have ruined your town, but you go, grudgingly perhaps, and you shop there anyway.

We’re here to tell you it has everything to do with you. You are not a passive spectator; you are a power player in the local economy. Where you shop, what you eat, these are decisions that have a profound effect on the world. One way or another, you are going to spend your money, so why not do it wisely?

This is not a political movement; we are not anti-capitalists and we don’t hate big business. We’re not trying to tell anyone what to think, either, because ultimately the issue we are addressing is choice. All that we are asking is that people own up to the responsibilities of choice, that they stop and actively ask themselves:

What kind of world do I want to live in?

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Nancy Danczak May 8, 2007

maybe it’s the economy? maybe we’re just stretched with the ballet lessons, soccer practice, karate matches, etc., that we take our kids too? maybe we spend more time at the health club or in front of the computer or doing something else besides social clubs?

watching tv after a long hard day sounds good to me. so does having a nice time with a friend too.

people keep to themselves a little more because of violence and crime, etc. maybe this is just one of the symptoms?

Robert Fornal May 8, 2007

I work long hours …
I spend lots of time with family …
I invite friends over as often as I possibly can …
I get out and play intramural sports as often as I am invited …

I do not consider myself and have many friends and family that I do not consider loners. The only loners are those that allow themselves to be … there are good, outgoing people everywhere … I talk with many of them every day.

Raine Devries May 8, 2007

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I am definitely not a loner. I am involved in many social groups having to do with arts, culture, Corvettes and Harleys. I like being involved, love riding my bike and embracing all life has to offer.

Corky Stout May 8, 2007

I think the state of the economy has a lot to do with the amount of time I don’t spend with friends. After working 60 to 70 hours a week, I just want to chill and do things with my family on the weekend. I’d work less, but then I wouldn’t have a place to live with my family, and I’m not willing to feed them beans and hot dogs 5 days a week.

Kunal Ghosh May 8, 2007

This is true everywhere not just the US. The level of social interaction has dropped globally. Blame it on several disctractions … a longer work week, thanks to a more global operating environment requiring us to be in office longer, commuting (many of us stay on an average 25 miles away from our workplace). While it would take maybe 30 minutes to commute earlier thanks to increasing traffic the same may take anywhere between 60-90 minutes and is much more stressful thanks to the crowd, various forms of knowledge (information distraction), MP3 players, always on internet connectivity, 24 hour television and radio means that even while we commute or at work, we tend to use these channels op communicate rather than pick up the phone or talk face-to-face … all in all alienating us from the lager social circle. Why do you think sites such as facebook, linkedin have suddenly become popular. it allows us to carry on a conversation without actually doing so. How many of us even pick up the phone and have a chat with our linkedin 1st level contacts?

Liz Ryan May 8, 2007

I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s in a house full of kids, and there wasn’t a week when my parents weren’t entertaining or we weren’t being dragged to a church picnic or christening party or some other huge, multigenerational event. Now, my husband and I have to work hard to keep our kids interacting with other families (everything is oriented these days toward one-on-one, scheduled playdates) and situations where they have to (get to) interact with people of different ages.

I think that people are working much longer, and when they’re not working, they’re prioritizing family-alone time (whether that’s watching TV, playing video games or playing Monopoly) over getting together with other people, which takes planning and is more complicated. I can’t say I disagree with that. Also, the mobility of Americans today makes spontaneous extended-family get-togethers harder; not nearly as many of us live within shouting distance of our cousins and grandparents as was the case when I was little. Here in Boulder, Colorado, it’s unheard of to go to a friend’s house and meet the friends’ parents — parents, siblings and nieces and nephews are back in California, Illinois, Texas, Massachusetts or New York.

I am big on becoming friends with my kids’ friends’ parents, killing two birds with one stone.

Nathalie Himmelrich May 8, 2007

Just imagine the time people had BEFORE the internet!
Yes, all the people here in the queue, including myself, spend a fair bit of our time on the computer and on the internet.

I guess it’s easier to ‘interact’ over a neutral interface and the risk to end up in an argument diminished dramatically if you spend your time in front of the computer rather then with friends.

In my work I’m ‘spending time’ with people working through their issues – I’m quite happy to spend some time on my own or with my partner in the evening, without having to interact with friends to much. I do that on the weekend.

Nathalie

Zulkifly Jamaludin May 8, 2007

Only you can make a different , noone else could . If you choose to be a looner then you already there , otherwise make yourself busy with stuffs.

Dawn Habinson May 8, 2007

I think the change in lifestyle has shifted things a bit.

The popularity of the Internet means that people can do many more things online and have to deal less with other people. The longer working hours may mean that we value our ‘me’ time more. People are more likely to remain single as there is less emphasis placed on marriage, having children and raising a family.

Just a few thoughts…

Dawn
www.upturnconsultancy.com

Chris Adams May 9, 2007

Wow, this makes me sad to read how disconnected and independent we’ve grown. Do people want to change? Do you want to be more connected?

Are facebook clubs and connections the only way this generation will communicate in the future? How unhealthy that would be!

What happens when you have a family and you have conflict? Will you know how to deal with it? Will you think of your spouse’s needs before your own? Or will you buy into the culture’s drumbeat of “Me me me me me first!”

What if today, the next person you meet, you thought, “how can I serve them?” What if you went home and asked your spouse or your kids, “how can I better serve you? How can I show you love in a CONSISTENT, COMMITTED way?” What if we did this on a daily basis and not just because we read a self help book or a comment on a blog?

Can you change your mindset from “what can I get” to “what can I give”, from “how can I serve you instead of why don’t you serve me,” from “how can I spend my life on what I love” to “How can I invest my life in what and who I love? I’m struggling to, but I know I’m happier because I love serving my wife and I get greater joy when I know I’ve met her needs before meeting my own. This has come only through first surrendering my life to Christ. Now it’s much easier to think of serving before being served.

Will you change your mind set? Will you invest your life and the gifts and strengths God has given you instead of spending them on yourself?

I will.

Ed January 6, 2008

In the above comments, I see several common threads.

1. People are working more.
2. People spend more time commuting.
3. People spend more time traveling to “required” or planned events, such as soccer games or playdates.
4. People get enough interaction with others during work.
5. People do not live near family.

As one person noted, there is not a lot of love for others in our world today. Our world is a capital market. Everything is valued including humans. People ask (consciously or subconsciously), how much of time can afford to use for or with this person. We cannot waste time away from work or we will not have the funds to continue. Globalism may not be best in the long run.

Capitalism has changed our lives and created conditions for the common threads to exist.

+ Housing is cheaper the more you move from urban areas.
+ Individual transportation was very cheap.
+ Manufacturing transportation is cheaper (Hence, the reason manufacturing is done less and less in the US)
+ Since capitalism focuses on satisfying the individual needs quickly, everybody needs a big house, lots of land, BIG ATTACHED garages (God forbid seeing the outside world or your neighbor after driving home.), backyard playground with pool, highways to malls, full array of food from every season during ANY season, and credit cards.

It seems no one lives in the real world anymore, since you can buy into what you think you “want”. However, I have found that this frame of mind will only result in dissatisfaction or more suffering. Suffering seems to be caused by craving for material things that are by their nature impermanent.

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Nation of Loners

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